Why Sadhguru Says You Should Stop ‘Raising’ Your Child – And What to Do Instead

Parenting isn’t about control - it’s about creating a space for growth. Sadhguru challenges the idea of "raising" children, urging parents to stop molding them like projects. Instead, he suggests focusing on creating an environment filled with love, support, and opportunities for self-discovery.

Here’s a quick breakdown of his approach:

• Stop controlling: Avoid imposing personal ambitions or rigid beliefs on your child.
• Shift to partnership: Treat your child as an equal, fostering open communication and mutual respect.
• Focus on self-growth: Be a role model by improving yourself instead of trying to "fix" your child.
• Encourage independence: Let children make decisions, face consequences, and learn from mistakes.
• Create a growth-friendly home: Prioritize emotional safety, creativity, and honest conversations.

This method moves away from traditional authoritarian parenting and emphasizes nurturing independence, emotional resilience, and authentic self-expression.

Make Parenting a Joyful Process | Sadhguru

Why 'Raising' Children Limits Their Growth

Traditional parenting methods that focus on "raising" children can unintentionally limit their natural development. These approaches often rely on controlling behaviors that hinder essential life skills, such as managing relationships or handling finances.

Moving from Control to Partnership

Switching from a control-based parenting style to one rooted in partnership can redefine how children grow and thrive. Many parents hesitate to set boundaries, fearing it might harm their relationship with their child. As Hannah L. Mulholland explains:

"I tell parents that it's OK for your kids to be mad at you and not like you because of the limit you set. You're the one person who's not going to desert them. You're still going to love them, even when they're mad at you. But for many parents, the reason they don't set limits is because they want to be liked."

Research highlights that the quality of the home learning environment plays a key role in predicting children's future outcomes. By fostering a supportive partnership, parents help their children build emotional resilience and confidence. A partnership approach involves several key elements:

• Setting clear and consistent expectations
• Encouraging open and productive conversations
• Valuing and respecting diverse perspectives
• Creating a sense of mutual accountability

This shift to partnership-based parenting naturally leads to a deeper look at how parental expectations influence a child's identity.

How Expectations Shape Children

Parental expectations can significantly shape a child's development, making it essential to adopt a supportive and balanced approach. Here's how different types of expectations affect children:

Sadhguru captures this idea succinctly:

"There is only one evil in the world, and that is limited identity."

To truly nurture a child’s potential, expectations should align with their unique interests rather than rigid success metrics. Forcing personal ambitions onto children can suppress their individuality and creativity. Research also shows that controlling parenting often results in weaker social connections and higher rates of mental health struggles.

"Let your kid be distressed. Let your kid make mistakes. That's how they learn."

Parents as Guides Instead of Authority Figures

Shifting from an authority-focused parenting style to one that emphasizes collaboration and support can have lasting benefits for children. Studies indicate that controlling parenting methods often lead to higher levels of anxiety and depression in kids. On the other hand, parenting that supports a child’s autonomy helps them thrive, no matter their environment.

Building Child Independence

Encouraging independence starts with giving children responsibilities and opportunities to make their own decisions, tailored to their age. Dr. Jelena Obradović, Associate Professor at Stanford Graduate School of Education, highlights the importance of this practice:

"When parents let kids take the lead in their interactions, children practice self-regulation skills and build independence."

Here’s a breakdown of how responsibilities can be aligned with different age groups:

"Parents should get off their pedestal and start treating children as equals."

Setting Up Growth-Friendly Spaces

Promoting independence is just one piece of the puzzle. Creating an environment that nurtures your child’s overall development is equally important. Research shows that children with strong social-emotional health often perform better academically and exhibit fewer behavioral challenges.

A growth-friendly environment includes three key elements:

1. Physical Environment
   • Set up a dedicated homework space.
   • Keep healthy snacks within reach.
   • Use child-accessible storage for organization.
   • Include areas for exploration and creativity.
2. Emotional Environment
   • Replace criticism with curiosity to foster open communication.
   • Encourage children to express themselves honestly.
   • Set clear, consistent boundaries.
   • View mistakes as valuable learning moments.
3. Learning Framework
   • Offer choices within clear expectations.
   • Help children establish routines they can manage independently.
   • Encourage problem-solving by letting them tackle challenges.
   • Allow natural consequences to teach accountability.

"Children grow by observation and involvement, not by teachings and philosophies. Become a living example of the person you want your child to be."

Research underscores the importance of positive parenting and effortful control in nurturing cognitive development. This approach equips children with better emotional regulation and resilience, empowering them to navigate peer pressure while maintaining a sense of independence.

Daily Steps to Apply Sadhguru's Parenting Methods

Incorporating Sadhguru's parenting insights into your daily routine can create an environment where children grow naturally, learning resilience and independence along the way.

Think, Act, and Learn from Mistakes

Encourage children to handle setbacks on their own, guiding them to understand and grow from each experience. Instead of simply smoothing over failures, help them reflect and adapt. Here's a comparison of approaches:

These moments are opportunities to teach children how to balance structure with freedom, fostering both accountability and self-reliance.

Mixing Rules with Freedom

Blending structure with flexibility is key. Studies suggest that an authoritative parenting style - one that balances clear expectations with responsiveness - leads to positive outcomes.

• Set Clear, Age-Appropriate Boundaries
  Establish rules that grow with your child. For instance, a younger child might have a set bedtime, while an older child could decide how to organize their homework.
• Let Natural Consequences Play Out
  Within safe limits, allow children to experience the outcomes of their decisions. This helps them understand responsibility in a real-world context.
• Communicate Openly About Rules
  Clearly explain guidelines, but also listen to your child's perspective. This approach builds mutual respect and a sense of partnership.

Supporting Mental and Emotional Growth

Once consistent boundaries are in place, you can focus on daily practices that nurture emotional and mental well-being.

"The process of loving should always be a liberating process, not an entangling process."

"You can raise only cattle. The human being cannot be raised...You must cultivate and watch what is going to blossom. But raising means you already fixed what they should become...This is a crime against humanity."

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Sadhguru's Methods vs. Common Parenting

Sadhguru's parenting philosophy takes a refreshing turn from conventional approaches, emphasizing natural growth and emotional well-being. The table below highlights how his methods differ from traditional parenting styles and their impact on a child's development.

These differences illustrate how moving from a control-based model to a partnership-driven approach can foster emotional security and genuine self-expression in children.

Sadhguru strongly advises against using children as vessels to fulfill unachieved parental aspirations. Instead, he advocates for an environment where kids can thrive naturally:

"Being a parent is not being the owner...Children are not owned or controlled entities but individuals destined to forge their own way."

A key aspect of Sadhguru's philosophy is the understanding that children learn by observing their role models. To align with this, he encourages parents to:

• Create an atmosphere where children feel safe to express themselves.
• Replace punishment with opportunities for guided self-reflection.
• Focus on their own personal growth and self-awareness.
• Build meaningful emotional connections.

Traditional parenting often rushes to solve problems for children, but Sadhguru's approach emphasizes guiding them to become independent problem-solvers.

"The best thing you can do for your children is to ensure they never witness anger, fear or conflict at home. Let them grow up in an atmosphere of Joy and Love."

This philosophy highlights the importance of fostering independence and emotional resilience. Instead of demanding blind obedience - which, as Sadhguru warns, can hinder a child's intelligence - parents are encouraged to nurture respect through genuine, heartfelt relationships.

Starting the New Parenting Approach

Adopting Sadhguru's parenting philosophy involves a shift in mindset, changes to your home environment, and building a supportive network. Here's how to get started:

Step 1: Shift Your Perspective

Start by rethinking your role as a parent. Instead of seeing yourself as an authority figure, aim to be a guiding presence in your child's life. This means observing your reactions and replacing commands like "Because I said so" with more thoughtful phrases such as "Let's talk about why this matters."

When your child makes a mistake, try asking reflective questions inspired by Sadhguru:

• "What happened?" to understand the situation.
• "Why did you do it?" to encourage your child to think about their actions.

This change in perspective isn’t just about words - it’s about creating a mindset that fosters mutual respect and understanding.

Step 2: Transform Your Home

Your home environment plays a big role in shaping your child’s growth. Redesign spaces to inspire creativity, joy, and open communication. Here's a comparison of traditional setups versus a Sadhguru-inspired approach:

To bring this vision to life, consider these room-by-room updates:

• Add quiet corners for reflection.
• Design spaces that encourage exploration and curiosity.
• Remove items that create unnecessary pressure (like achievement charts).
• Include elements that promote emotional security, such as family photos or uplifting quotes.

Step 3: Build a Supportive Community

Once your mindset and home environment are aligned, connect with other parents who share similar goals. A supportive network can make the transition smoother. Together, you can:

• Share personal experiences and insights.
• Work through challenges as a group.
• Stay motivated during difficult times.
• Exchange practical tips for implementing this approach.

"The greatest present parents can give their children is a home full of joy, love, and security."

Conclusion

Shifting away from the traditional notion of "raising" children and instead focusing on supporting their natural development can reshape family dynamics and encourage genuine growth. This perspective, grounded in the insights shared earlier, opens the door to deeper, more meaningful parent-child relationships.

Research highlights that parenting rooted in partnership and understanding bolsters children's emotional resilience. By embracing this approach, parents create a foundation that supports every other aspect of this new way of nurturing.

"When a child enters your life, it is time to learn, not to teach." - Sadhguru

In today’s digital world, where the internet accounts for up to 80% of the influences on a child's development, fostering strong, meaningful connections within the family becomes even more critical. These modern challenges make it essential to adopt a parenting style that prioritizes connection over control.

The Isha Foundation serves as a powerful example of this philosophy in action. Their approach demonstrates how shifting the focus from controlling outcomes to nurturing growth creates an environment where children can truly thrive.

"The beauty of having a child is to cultivate, nourish, support, and see what they will Become. You do not have to 'raise' them because that would mean fixing the outcome." - Sadhguru

This journey isn't about striving for perfection. It's about consistently creating a home filled with joy, love, and curiosity. When parents prioritize building bonds of love over enforcing rigid rules, they set the stage for lifelong growth and fulfillment.

"The greatest present parents can give their children is a home full of joy, love, and security."

FAQs

How can I apply Sadhguru's parenting philosophy if I'm used to traditional parenting methods?

To align with Sadhguru's parenting approach, it’s helpful to shift your mindset from "raising" a child to nurturing their natural growth and individuality. The idea is to create a space filled with love and safety, where your child feels free to express themselves and explore their passions without the fear of being judged.

Sadhguru emphasizes the importance of being a guide and friend to your child rather than just an authority figure. This involves giving them the freedom to make their own choices, learn from their experiences, and shape their own identity. Prioritize meaningful conversations, spend quality time together, and support their emotional and intellectual development. By releasing rigid expectations and encouraging independence, you not only strengthen your bond but also help your child grow into a confident and self-reliant individual.

How can I create a supportive environment at home to help my child thrive?

Creating a nurturing home environment begins with prioritizing emotional support and open communication. Show your child that they are valued by being genuinely present - listen to them attentively and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledging their emotions not only strengthens their confidence but also helps them develop resilience.

Designate a quiet, well-organized space for learning, free from distractions. Stock it with the essentials they need, and encourage them to dive into topics and activities that spark their interest. This approach fuels their curiosity and gives them a sense of ownership over their learning journey.

Lastly, remember that children often learn by watching. Demonstrate the values and behaviors you want them to embrace. Your actions - more than your words - will leave a lasting impression and inspire them to grow.

How can I give my child more independence while keeping them safe and supported?

Balancing your child's independence with their safety starts with setting clear boundaries and gradually allowing more freedom as they mature. Start small - let them choose their outfits or pick a hobby. These simple decisions help them develop confidence in their ability to make choices, all while staying within safe, manageable limits.

As they grow older, introduce more responsibilities and have open conversations about potential risks and how to stay safe. Encourage them to ask questions and share their thoughts. This not only shows that their opinions matter but also teaches them how to make thoughtful, informed decisions. The key is to nurture an environment where they feel supported and secure, giving them the confidence to explore while knowing their safety is always a top priority.

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